We were in our places. A buzz of expectation sizzled through the classroom. Our familiar Ms Baseen was being replaced by another teacher. A new one. “She was so sweet. Why did she have to leave”, we whispered to each other in dismay. And then Ms Charu walked in, looking smart in her polycot saree. ‘TENSES’ she printed on the blackboard, kind of announcing our apprehensions! And the class began!
‘Andy paints the fence.’ wrote my English teacher on the blackboard. ‘Write the same sentence using the future perfect tense’, she said. My classmate Jamuna, strutted to the blackboard and scratched the answer confidently, ‘Andy will have painted the fence’. (She got that correct. And got a pat on her shoulder from the teacher too.)
I was ten and full of questions. “How can we be so sure that Andy will do so?” I thought. “What if Andy can’t finish painting the fence? What if the paint is insufficient? Maybe he gets tied up with other stuff??” I was worried about the expectation and the possible disappointment.
Meanwhile the teacher had continued with 4 more examples and was calling my name loudly! I had no idea what she wanted me to say. And what happened after that… Well, we shall not go into those details here.
Dreaming Big
I had been dreaming of writing and publishing a book. I have been writing articles for magazines, I have been going on stage and telling stories. I knew I had a book in me. But I imagined myself writing that perfect bestseller. I imagined all the praise and attention I would garner. And then looked at the task on hand. Felt dismayed that nothing I wrote would ever be that great. That vision of Future Perfect was daunting. I never wrote that book.
The concept of a Perfect Future is the underlying cause of much stress and discomfort. I visualize a moment in the future that is glorious and perfect. Dream Big they tell us. And I do. I sincerely do. I dream of publishing a book, paperback, with a bright yellow cover, with my name on it. I dream of it in shops! In homes! On my bookshelf! And then…
Does this sound familiar?
And then I am so overwhelmed by my dream that I give up before I even begin trying to reach that dream! The end seems so far away, so unobtainable that I seek other distractions.
I pretend that sorting the linen cupboard, or listening to the news is way more important than typing words or going to the gym.
I wait for that perfect time, it’s 4.18 now? I’ll begin at 4.30. What? It is already 5.40? Promise, I’ll begin at 6!
I spend more energy justifying my delay in action than in organizing and taking that action that is required.
I look at successful persons. See videos of persons who have achieved their dream. The intention is to learn from them. But instead of focusing on learning from them, I blame the lack of spousal support, or lack of connection or luck or money, or the music coming from my neighbor’s house or thunder, or rain !!!
At times someone has actually laid out the steps for us. They have done the thinking and planning and said do this, this and this. And you will reach your goal. But like our kids in the back seat of our car, I ask, almost as soon as I begin, “are we there yet? Are we there yet?”
These are merely excuses. And we all have plenty of them. Which of these excuses is true for you? Do you have excuses of your own? Do add them in the comment section.
The Power of Now
Opposite my house in Jayanagar was this roadside tree with purple flowers. The tree was home to many creatures. One day a young boy who had perhaps just returned from a temple sat under it to eat the “Prasad”. Yummy bites of food given at the temple. His friends called out to him from the other side of the street, he dropped pieces of coconut and ran to them. A squirrel looked quickly this way and that, raced to the spot, picked up the piece of coconut in its hands and nibbled at it. Cute squirrel with a happy tummy fill. Even before I could complete the sentence a raven came swooping in chasing the squirrel away. And just when the raven picked that piece, the street dog, in a mood for fun, came rushing at the raven. The raven hastily took flight. The piece of coconut fell into the storm drain — out of reach!
Only the present moment is true. All action happens only in the present moment. Who knows what lies in the future. While it’s fine that we dream big. While its good to see that bright future. We must be acutely aware of the reality. And reality is the present. The NOW. Regret and dream have their own places. But the reality is NOW.
We are known by what we do. Our intentions, our good thoughts, our promises, have no meaning unless followed by action. You think of your mom, your aunt, your friend often. But unless you convey that with a phone call, or a text message, that person has no clue that you are thinking of them.
You wish to spend an hour everyday with your child. If you actually do so, even if it is not one hour but merely ten minutes, that counts.
You are working hard to save money to buy her that Tesla. A bunch of flowers or a dinner date tonight has greater meaning. You could throw in the Tesla too, at a later date?
Timer on my Mobile Clock
I decided to set the timer on my mobile clock to 20 minutes. Just for that much time I would work on my book. Everyday. At the same time. Soon 20 minutes was not enough. I snoozed the timer. I wrote for longer periods. But I continued to set my timer. Everyday. Even now! My timer is clicking. Telling me the power of taking action.
And yes I did publish my book. Five of them. 3 non-fiction and 2 collections of short stories. And several articles here on Medium. And I continue to set that timer.
I confess I am addicted to a silly game on my mobile. I have started using the timer to set the cap on my addiction too! Failing miserably so far. But I think I’ll get there some day. Wish me luck! But wait. I have my timer. right?
