Growing up in India in the 60's meant you had one functional mirror on a wall in the hallway. It was generally a 9 x12 inches rectangle, large enough for the man to trim his beard and for the lady to make a neat center parting in her hair. Focus on the internal, the external will take care of itself, was the general message.
The tilting mirror
Our Summer Vacations were at grandma’s house in Bangalore. My aunt, a professor in the university, had a swivel mirror. If you tilted it and stood at a strategic distance you could see in the mirror all the way down to your feet. You could then not see your face! But we were not complaining. We cousins would gather in her room when she was not at home, to enjoy the tilting mirror; Being very careful to set it exactly as it was. But she always knew we had meddled with her mirror. We were convinced, her mirror spoke to her!
Can an adult talk to the mirror?
The mirror and I have many stories to share, and secrets to keep.
My face looks pretty when I gaze into the foggy bathroom mirror after a hot shower! The diffused light, the fact that I’m not wearing my glasses does contribute to the illusion.
I am in my going-out saree, I’ve put on some make-up, a string of beads round my neck and I smile into the mirror. I’m ready to face the world.
I use the mirror for practice. You could use the mirror to prepare for an interview, for an upcoming important conversation (with a boss or friend), or for a debate or speech. When doing so, you’re forced to look into your eyes and speak. You have no access to any written script and you are facing your fears. That helps. The first time I tried it, I noticed the excessive number of times I shook my head, and my elaborate hand gestures. I have now cut that down tremendously. But … Be warned, if you tie my hands I cannot speak!
You could use the mirror to make that positive affirmation to yourself. I have seen friends using this and benefiting from the technique. I have not tried it. This is what you do. You stand before the mirror, look yourself in the eye and declare positive statements about yourself. The trick is to not say it in your mind, but to actually say it out, aloud, like you are talking to a different person. You could use statements like, I am brave, I am strong, I can win. You could say “You are strong, you are brave” as if you are talking to the person in the mirror. The process helps you internalize that confidence.
Or you could make statements that help you overcome a detrimental habit. Make positive statements to yourself: “I am a non-smoker (if you wish to stop smoking)”, “I like to work out at the gym (if you wish to have healthy muscles).” It could take several assertive sessions in front of the mirror before you see any results.
And then there is mirror meditation. You gaze into the mirror for a length of time, approximately 10 minutes. You don’t speak. You observe your face as you experience emotions and thoughts. You might be shocked to see sadness, anger and even disgust, which you never thought existed. You are suddenly in touch with your inner self in a way much deeper than before. Mirror meditation gives you a new look at self-criticism, Increases emotional resilience, Improves face-to-face communication. Listen to an expert in this field, Dr. Tara Well.
What does the mirror tell an infant?
Only chimpanzees, orangutans and humans recognize themselves in mirrors. Most ancient traditions discourage showing mirrors to infants. Very young babies do not realize that the reflection is their own. You will find them reaching out to touch ‘that baby’ or crawling behind the mirror to ‘find’ that baby. Mirrors cause confusion in their mind. Perhaps that was the reason for the superstition? It is only by about the age of 2 years that the child grasps that a mirror is a reflection of their own image.
Every reflecting surface is magical to a child. I recollect grinning and pouting at steel jugs and car hubcaps to see my squashed face grimacing back. Today psychologists encourage us to allow toddlers to play with mirrors. Just ensure that they are plastic non-breakable mirrors. Have you tried playing with reflected sunlight using mirrors. Toddlers giggle with delight while the dancing light jumps up and down on the ceiling!
What is the mirror saying to the teenager?
A teenager’s conversation with the mirror depends entirely on the degree of their self-worth. With puberty bringing bodily changes, they are acutely conscious of their appearance. They look at themselves critically and seek social approval. So what is the mirror telling them? It could say, “Hey! You are looking gorgeous” or it could say “Your nose is long, your skin is patchy, the hair should have been curly/straight/black/”!! Quite amazingly the mirror speaks in the language of peers and parents! Often in exaggerated terms. And every small forgotten comment returns loudly as mirror talk.
People on screen look gorgeous, every selfie of every person they know looks attractive. In comparison, the person in the mirror is clumsy and shockingly inadequate. The mirror causes anxiety often driving teenagers to the other extreme of not caring to groom or look good. ‘I’m shabby and I’m ok with that’, is their challenge to the world around them.
Some history
Perhaps you’ve heard of Premium quality mirrors called Saint Gobain? Mirrors were expensive luxuries in the 16th century. They were first manufactured by a factory called Saint-Gobain in France. The technique of making mirrors evolved over time. And now mirrors are within reach of every person who wants one. Mirrors are said to have revolutionalized how artists see and depict nature. Leonardo Da Vinci is said to have suggested to artists that they must see how the real object looks in the mirror and compare it to what they see when their painting is reflected from a mirror. Now mirrors are an essential part of architecture, art, medicine, magic, optics and technology.
Ratna Rao has authored 5 books of which 3 are Amazon bestsellers. Her series of Little Games are books that help you find fun family time. The books have attractive black&white doodles that excite the imagination of the child. Open to any page, assemble, play the ten-minute game.
